Overcoming the Limitations of Your Parenting Example

An example is a pattern to be copied—or not copied. Our upbringing provides us with examples of parenting. Every parent carries the influence of their upbringing into their parenting style and practice. For better or worse, our childhood experiences shape our expectations, behaviours, and responses as parents. Some of us have fond memories of nurturing and guidance, while others bear the scars of unmet needs or harmful patterns. Many of us have complex stories with a mixture of experiences. When we become parents, we face the challenge of identifying positive influences and overcoming negative ones to create a home environment that reflects God’s love, healing and grace.

Some of our experiences can obviously be categorised as good examples to be followed, or poor examples to avoid reproducing. Others are less clearly defined and some we have unknowingly mislabelled. Even the best parents make mistakes, so none of us have a truly perfect parenting example to follow.

This overview of The PARENT Principles could help you identify aspects of your upbringing to continue.

Even when we know what we do and do not want to imitate, we can find ourselves repeating negative cycles and struggling to do the good we intend. However, through Christ, we can break unhealthy cycles, embrace the good, and become the people and parents God intended. It may be a longer or more challenging journey for some than others, but thankfully, we do not travel alone. With the Holy Spirit's strength and guidance, we can nurture a legacy of faith and love that transforms future generations.

It is important to remember Romans 8:28:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

No matter your upbringing or childhood experiences, all things work together for your good and the good of your children.

Reflecting on Your Parenting Example

Every parent’s journey begins with their childhood. Taking time to reflect on your experiences is essential to understanding how they shape your parenting. Part of becoming a good example to our children starts with reflecting on the examples we had growing up.

Ask yourself:

• What positive traits or values do I want to carry forward from my upbringing?

• What behaviours or patterns do I want to avoid or change?

This process requires honesty and grace. It may also reveal areas where you need healing. For example, if you grew up feeling unseen or undervalued, you may find it challenging to nurture your child’s emotional needs. Recognising these struggles is the first step to inviting God's healing and transformation into your life.

As we reflect, we can pray Psalm 139:23:

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

Breaking Unhealthy Cycles with God’s Help

God’s Word reminds us that in Him, we are made new. Breaking free from unhealthy cycles requires both forgiveness and intentionality. Forgiveness—of your parents, yourself, or others—frees you from the grip of past wounds. It does not mean excusing harmful behaviour. Forgiveness means releasing bitterness and trusting God to heal your heart.

Prayer, Scripture, and Christian counselling can all play a role in this healing process. As you surrender past hurts to God, He equips you to replace harmful patterns with ones rooted in His love and truth.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Honouring the Good

Celebrate the positive aspects of your upbringing. Perhaps you were taught the importance of faith, hard work, or kindness. These values can become the foundation for your own parenting.

Gratitude plays a crucial role in this process. By thanking God for the good you received, you cultivate a spirit of appreciation and focus on the blessings He’s provided.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Modelling a Christ-like Example for Your Children

Looking back at our childhood naturally causes us to consider the example we are setting for our own children and the legacy this could produce.

Children learn more from what we do than from what we say. Modelling Christ-like behaviours is one of the most impactful ways to reflect God’s nature to them. Practical ways to model Christ-like behaviours include:

• Patience: Taking a moment to respond calmly during stressful situations.

• Kindness: Speaking words of encouragement and affirmation.

• Forgiveness: Apologising when we make mistakes and showing grace to our children when they do.

  
  

Christ-like parenting is not about perfection but about humility and authenticity. When our actions align with your words, we build trust and create a blueprint for our children’s walk with God.

Be imitators of God, as beloved children. (Ephesians 5:1)

Why as beloved children? Because love (not perfection) is the greatest example. Whether or not we have a good example of a loving parent to imitate, we have a perfect example and are loved perfectly and eternally by God. His Word and His Spirit provide a perfect example for us to follow so we can pray Psalm 143:10:

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!

The Generational Impact of God-Centred Parenting

Parenting with God at the centre transforms our families. It will also transform future generations. By instilling faith-filled habits and breaking harmful cycles, we create a spiritual legacy that endures. Imagine your children—and their children—walking in the wisdom and grace you model today.

The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him! (Proverbs 20:7)

Overcoming the Limitations of Your Parenting Example

Overcoming the limitations of your parenting example is a journey, not a destination. It requires daily reliance on God and a willingness to grow. Reflect on the parenting example you had and seek healing where needed. Honour the good and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in modelling Christ-like love. With God's help, you can create a home where grace abounds and faith flourishes.

Think-Pray-Pause

Overcoming the Limitations of Your Parenting Example

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23 

Read the Scripture then think about it, use it to pray, and pause to listen to what the Holy Spirit has to say. Do this in any order or configuration you like.

Here's an example:

• Think: How has your upbringing shaped your parenting style? What positives can you carry forward? What cycles need breaking?

• Pray:  Ask God to heal your heart, guide your parenting, and reveal the steps to model His love effectively.

• Pause: Sit in God’s presence and listen. What is the Holy Spirit saying about your parenting journey? Write down any impressions or Scriptures that come to mind.

Remember, tending to your heart and allowing God to work within you not only influences your parenting but also the legacy you leave for your children.

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